[This really was a confusing way to go about it. Perhaps Airplane Bro wasn't the worst cultivation novelist, because this world was probably even more backwards than his!]
Blood does not necessarily mean the base potential or affinity is there. Also, who has time to raise children and have families? When the entire point of cultivating is to be immortal and potentially ascend?
[ But Mo Xuanyu catches himself just in time. If this person doesn't know about Sect Leader Jin's reputation, about his tendency to wander from woman to woman, leaving children that he forgets more often than not... about the fact that only a single son is favored above the rest, because only he came from two cultivators and thus has more strength than the rest of them...
It's not for Mo Xuanyu to reveal.
Even if he would like to talk to this person, who has no connection to anyone in the Lanling Jin Sect, about his problems... his problems are too tied to the sect itself.
He bites his bottom lip for a moment, his gaze falling to his own lap. ]
But... are you not raising your disciples? You called them your family. What is the difference to you, between blood and non-blood relations?
[He has to think about it a moment. Traditionally there was no difference. A sect was a family, which was why everyone was referred to as brother or sister. But it wasn't anything he had ever thought too much about. That was just... how it was. It was a given. Sects would be bound together like a family, those who weren't would fall apart, and it was usually caused by one shady individual, and that individual was probably the villain and would die.]
Well... yes....
[And how would he raise a family and disciples!?]
But I am also a teacher. It would be hard to raise a baby in that sort of environment. A disciple ideally will come when they are around twelve to start cultivating. When you become a disciple you sort of say goodbye to your blood relatives. Though it is common to still get benefits from your family, and your family will give gifts to the sect for taking you in. Since... it is prestigious to be able to become a cultivator.
But, since you are on the path to immortality, eventually you will have to say goodbye.
So... it really is about them being children? It wouldn't be strange, then, for a cultivator who has a child to leave that child, and only come back for hi--for them, when they come of age to train?
I feel as if a cultivator who has a child will probably put things on hold, retire, or not be part of a sect.
[He really wasn't sure. Of course there were stories where cultivators had children and they too were raised among the disciples, or the stories of a couple breaking off on their own. But... raising families weren't exactly part of the fantasy.]
But, I suppose if someone had a child within a section then that child would also be a child of the sect. It's not as if we are celibate so... I suppose potential children is always a possible outcome. And, there are no rules you can't get married....
Leadership of the sect will go to the sect leaders' head disciple. Alliances are... formed more with similar ideologies or debts. Most of the big sects act independently, relations are made more through trade and knowledge in what can be shared.
[Which was quite normal for cultivation stories. Sure you might have people who were once in one sect in another or other pasts where people were connected, but... it was far stranger to set up connections through blood as a primary source.]
[ But his gaze falls to his own lap, his expression betraying that something about the conversation is weighing heavily on him.
If it were possible to structure sects such that they don't rely on clans to sustain them, why is that the way things are? Why do cultivators have children? Why are so many things decided for those children the moment they're born?
Why did Jin Guangshan father him, or any of his other children, at all? ]
[He was about to ask what was on the boys mind when he suddenly sputtered at the question. He quickly covered his face with his fan trying to regain composure and pretend he did not just do a spit take.
Don't ask him that! He was still young! And... well, he already had his disciples. They were already close enough to children.]
If I had a child I would definitely want to take care of them.
[If! if! But he is not sure he wants a child. No, he was quite sure he did not want a child. He had enough children, he was filled up on children. Though, he supposed if he could get more once they were all grown, at a particular age first, that wouldn't be so bad. Yes. He liked being "Teacher" he did not want to be "Father".]
But, I also can't imagine myself getting married and having children.
[There were plenty of stories like that after all. A parent who could not settle goes off into the world to continue cultivating when the child is still young, only to be reunited later when the child is older and goes off on their adventure. Either to find their lost parent, or to follow a similar path that allows them to meet. But then, that was a popular trope in these things. Not just cultivators but also martial artists.]
It is not uncommon for fathers to talk away and leave children with their mothers... not that I agree with such things.
[ So maybe what happened to him, in the end, isn't that odd.
Or maybe it is, since Master Shen seems so baffled by the idea of clans at all?
Mo Xuanyu isn't sure what he wanted to get out of that series of questions, but given that he still feels a little hollow after receiving answers, he suspects he didn't get it after all. ]
[It gave him pause. Did he miss his family? It was odd. He didn't really. But, it wasn't because he did not like them. He was quite close to his family, and his sister especially. Yet... he had not really thought of them much unless in passing. Perhaps it was because he died and that was a completely different world now, or, perhaps it was the strange surreal aspect of his situation.
What he could say he missed was his sect though. But even then it was... hard to define.]
[ But whether it's because he feels like he might be asking too much, or because he just wants to get it off his chest, Mo Xuanyu follows the question with his own explanation first. ]
I really miss my mother sometimes. I haven't been back to see her since I came here, but she was always so proud of me. She had such high hopes for me. But I think... if I went back to her now, she'd be disappointed. I'm... not that skilled, or strong, or even brave. I'm not as good as most of the other disciples, and I've... messed up a lot. My cultivation is low, and I-- [ He hesitates, then changes what he was going to say. ] ... I'm still making the same mistakes I made when I was younger.
[ He'd hoped that becoming a cultivator would give him a chance to change all the things he hated about himself. But nothing's changed. Not even the most shameful secrets he's tried to hide in vain, that get passed around through whispers among other sect members the way a quiet breeze touches all the grass in a field. ]
[This sounded like a complicated issue. Especially in a world where blood was considered so important. It was common for people's aptitude to be different, and it was one of the reasons why as far as he was aware sects did not focus on blood. There was no guarantee that one's children would have good aptitude, and it was rare for those of the same family to be similarly skilled or have potential. After all, if cultivation were so easy, everyone would be a cultivator!
But, that did not mean hard work could not pay off. Even this body that had good aptitude started so late that it was working at a disadvantage. But he wondered if such blind dedication could be reached when one was still young and generally well taken care of?]
It's alright to make the same mistakes, eventually, you won't make mistakes. You might simply have to put more effort, or, practice longer. Being slower isn't such a bad thing though.
[ More effort, practice longer, as if he isn't already spending evenings into the late night working on his cultivation. Even when he puts in what feels like twice as much effort, it still feels like he's falling behind his peers. While they're off doing things together, he stays behind and trains. He wasn't making friends anyway, so it's not like he's missing out on anything.
And that's what drew him to demonic cultivation in the first place. Like many others, perhaps, it's the allure of obtaining great power with much less effort. It doesn't matter how strong or weak your foundation is: if you can manage to overcome the first step, the path falls into place in front of you, stretching on into the abyss. That's the promise of it. ]
[He really didn't know, he wasn't the best for advice like this. Usually one wouldn't even be in a sect if they didn't at least have a certain amount of potential.]
How old are you?
[He seemed a bit young to be ready to give up now.]
I suppose it depends on the reasons. If their foundations are not proper, fixing that is a start. There are times when basics need to be retrained from the beginning. Perhaps one on one training if it's a mix of other things.
[Though if he thought about it, the only person he had needed to do one on one with was Luo Binghe, and that was because he was being picked on and never got the right foundations.]
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Blood does not necessarily mean the base potential or affinity is there. Also, who has time to raise children and have families? When the entire point of cultivating is to be immortal and potentially ascend?
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[ But Mo Xuanyu catches himself just in time. If this person doesn't know about Sect Leader Jin's reputation, about his tendency to wander from woman to woman, leaving children that he forgets more often than not... about the fact that only a single son is favored above the rest, because only he came from two cultivators and thus has more strength than the rest of them...
It's not for Mo Xuanyu to reveal.
Even if he would like to talk to this person, who has no connection to anyone in the Lanling Jin Sect, about his problems... his problems are too tied to the sect itself.
He bites his bottom lip for a moment, his gaze falling to his own lap. ]
But... are you not raising your disciples? You called them your family. What is the difference to you, between blood and non-blood relations?
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Well... yes....
[And how would he raise a family and disciples!?]
But I am also a teacher. It would be hard to raise a baby in that sort of environment. A disciple ideally will come when they are around twelve to start cultivating. When you become a disciple you sort of say goodbye to your blood relatives. Though it is common to still get benefits from your family, and your family will give gifts to the sect for taking you in. Since... it is prestigious to be able to become a cultivator.
But, since you are on the path to immortality, eventually you will have to say goodbye.
[Or something.]
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[He really wasn't sure. Of course there were stories where cultivators had children and they too were raised among the disciples, or the stories of a couple breaking off on their own. But... raising families weren't exactly part of the fantasy.]
But, I suppose if someone had a child within a section then that child would also be a child of the sect. It's not as if we are celibate so... I suppose potential children is always a possible outcome. And, there are no rules you can't get married....
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But what a-about... alliance marriages? And... and passing along leadership of the sect, and--
[ Just how far away is your sect that none of these things happen? It's like a completely different world! ]
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[Which was quite normal for cultivation stories. Sure you might have people who were once in one sect in another or other pasts where people were connected, but... it was far stranger to set up connections through blood as a primary source.]
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[ But his gaze falls to his own lap, his expression betraying that something about the conversation is weighing heavily on him.
If it were possible to structure sects such that they don't rely on clans to sustain them, why is that the way things are? Why do cultivators have children? Why are so many things decided for those children the moment they're born?
Why did Jin Guangshan father him, or any of his other children, at all? ]
... Do you not want children of your own?
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Don't ask him that! He was still young! And... well, he already had his disciples. They were already close enough to children.]
Ah... I've never really thought about it....
I don't really know any sisters...
And....
[This topic was too terrifying!]
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[If! if! But he is not sure he wants a child. No, he was quite sure he did not want a child. He had enough children, he was filled up on children. Though, he supposed if he could get more once they were all grown, at a particular age first, that wouldn't be so bad. Yes. He liked being "Teacher" he did not want to be "Father".]
But, I also can't imagine myself getting married and having children.
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[There were plenty of stories like that after all. A parent who could not settle goes off into the world to continue cultivating when the child is still young, only to be reunited later when the child is older and goes off on their adventure. Either to find their lost parent, or to follow a similar path that allows them to meet. But then, that was a popular trope in these things. Not just cultivators but also martial artists.]
It is not uncommon for fathers to talk away and leave children with their mothers... not that I agree with such things.
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I understand.
[ So maybe what happened to him, in the end, isn't that odd.
Or maybe it is, since Master Shen seems so baffled by the idea of clans at all?
Mo Xuanyu isn't sure what he wanted to get out of that series of questions, but given that he still feels a little hollow after receiving answers, he suspects he didn't get it after all. ]
Do you miss your family?
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What he could say he missed was his sect though. But even then it was... hard to define.]
I... do miss my home a little.
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[ But whether it's because he feels like he might be asking too much, or because he just wants to get it off his chest, Mo Xuanyu follows the question with his own explanation first. ]
I really miss my mother sometimes. I haven't been back to see her since I came here, but she was always so proud of me. She had such high hopes for me. But I think... if I went back to her now, she'd be disappointed. I'm... not that skilled, or strong, or even brave. I'm not as good as most of the other disciples, and I've... messed up a lot. My cultivation is low, and I-- [ He hesitates, then changes what he was going to say. ] ... I'm still making the same mistakes I made when I was younger.
[ He'd hoped that becoming a cultivator would give him a chance to change all the things he hated about himself. But nothing's changed. Not even the most shameful secrets he's tried to hide in vain, that get passed around through whispers among other sect members the way a quiet breeze touches all the grass in a field. ]
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But, that did not mean hard work could not pay off. Even this body that had good aptitude started so late that it was working at a disadvantage. But he wondered if such blind dedication could be reached when one was still young and generally well taken care of?]
It's alright to make the same mistakes, eventually, you won't make mistakes. You might simply have to put more effort, or, practice longer. Being slower isn't such a bad thing though.
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And that's what drew him to demonic cultivation in the first place. Like many others, perhaps, it's the allure of obtaining great power with much less effort. It doesn't matter how strong or weak your foundation is: if you can manage to overcome the first step, the path falls into place in front of you, stretching on into the abyss. That's the promise of it. ]
... How do you know when it's time to give up?
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[He really didn't know, he wasn't the best for advice like this. Usually one wouldn't even be in a sect if they didn't at least have a certain amount of potential.]
How old are you?
[He seemed a bit young to be ready to give up now.]
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[ He's been in the sect for two years at this point, which has felt like long enough to notice when he's not measuring up to others. ]
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I know those who, perhaps don't get as far as others, still manage to at least become mid-tier cultivators at a later age.
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[ Somehow, the words don't reassure him that much. ]
What sort of things would you teach one of your disciples, if they were falling behind? If... it's alright to tell me.
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[Though if he thought about it, the only person he had needed to do one on one with was Luo Binghe, and that was because he was being picked on and never got the right foundations.]
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[But then... if one's master was not properly attending to the disciple and they were ostracized from their sect brothers and sisters....]
Perhaps trying some meditation exercises first may help....
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