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[cutsleeve]

For all your threading or PSL needs with this disaster child.

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[cutsleeve]

...

I understand.

[ So maybe what happened to him, in the end, isn't that odd.

Or maybe it is, since Master Shen seems so baffled by the idea of clans at all?

Mo Xuanyu isn't sure what he wanted to get out of that series of questions, but given that he still feels a little hollow after receiving answers, he suspects he didn't get it after all. ]

Do you miss your family?

[softheartedshizun]

[It gave him pause. Did he miss his family? It was odd. He didn't really. But, it wasn't because he did not like them. He was quite close to his family, and his sister especially. Yet... he had not really thought of them much unless in passing. Perhaps it was because he died and that was a completely different world now, or, perhaps it was the strange surreal aspect of his situation.

What he could say he missed was his sect though. But even then it was... hard to define.]

I... do miss my home a little.

[cutsleeve]

Does it get easier?

[ But whether it's because he feels like he might be asking too much, or because he just wants to get it off his chest, Mo Xuanyu follows the question with his own explanation first. ]

I really miss my mother sometimes. I haven't been back to see her since I came here, but she was always so proud of me. She had such high hopes for me. But I think... if I went back to her now, she'd be disappointed. I'm... not that skilled, or strong, or even brave. I'm not as good as most of the other disciples, and I've... messed up a lot. My cultivation is low, and I-- [ He hesitates, then changes what he was going to say. ] ... I'm still making the same mistakes I made when I was younger.

[ He'd hoped that becoming a cultivator would give him a chance to change all the things he hated about himself. But nothing's changed. Not even the most shameful secrets he's tried to hide in vain, that get passed around through whispers among other sect members the way a quiet breeze touches all the grass in a field. ]

[softheartedshizun]

[This sounded like a complicated issue. Especially in a world where blood was considered so important. It was common for people's aptitude to be different, and it was one of the reasons why as far as he was aware sects did not focus on blood. There was no guarantee that one's children would have good aptitude, and it was rare for those of the same family to be similarly skilled or have potential. After all, if cultivation were so easy, everyone would be a cultivator!

But, that did not mean hard work could not pay off. Even this body that had good aptitude started so late that it was working at a disadvantage. But he wondered if such blind dedication could be reached when one was still young and generally well taken care of?]

It's alright to make the same mistakes, eventually, you won't make mistakes. You might simply have to put more effort, or, practice longer. Being slower isn't such a bad thing though.

[cutsleeve]

[ More effort, practice longer, as if he isn't already spending evenings into the late night working on his cultivation. Even when he puts in what feels like twice as much effort, it still feels like he's falling behind his peers. While they're off doing things together, he stays behind and trains. He wasn't making friends anyway, so it's not like he's missing out on anything.

And that's what drew him to demonic cultivation in the first place. Like many others, perhaps, it's the allure of obtaining great power with much less effort. It doesn't matter how strong or weak your foundation is: if you can manage to overcome the first step, the path falls into place in front of you, stretching on into the abyss. That's the promise of it. ]

... How do you know when it's time to give up?

[softheartedshizun]

I assume if nothing can be produced at all.

[He really didn't know, he wasn't the best for advice like this. Usually one wouldn't even be in a sect if they didn't at least have a certain amount of potential.]

How old are you?

[He seemed a bit young to be ready to give up now.]

[cutsleeve]

I'm, ah... sixteen.

[ He's been in the sect for two years at this point, which has felt like long enough to notice when he's not measuring up to others. ]

[softheartedshizun]

Perhaps a bit late, but, not impossible. I know of...

I know those who, perhaps don't get as far as others, still manage to at least become mid-tier cultivators at a later age.

[cutsleeve]

Mid-tier... mm.

[ Somehow, the words don't reassure him that much. ]

What sort of things would you teach one of your disciples, if they were falling behind? If... it's alright to tell me.

[softheartedshizun]

I suppose it depends on the reasons. If their foundations are not proper, fixing that is a start. There are times when basics need to be retrained from the beginning. Perhaps one on one training if it's a mix of other things.

[Though if he thought about it, the only person he had needed to do one on one with was Luo Binghe, and that was because he was being picked on and never got the right foundations.]

[cutsleeve]

How would they know which it is? Or would I--would they ask their teachers if they couldn't determine what to focus on?

[softheartedshizun]

Of course, the master would determine that, and one's shixiong or shijie should also be able to lend assistance.

[But then... if one's master was not properly attending to the disciple and they were ostracized from their sect brothers and sisters....]

Perhaps trying some meditation exercises first may help....

[cutsleeve]

What sort of exercises?! Please teach me!

[ He leans forward suddenly, gaze intense almost as much as it is pleading.

He sure did drop the "asking for a friend" act quickly... ]

[softheartedshizun]

To calm the mind.

[Since that was the most important thing to have a hold on if you go into secluded cultivation. But, he wouldn't recommend that any time soon. However, hopefully it might help.]

Do you know anywhere here that is calm and full of spiritual energy? If you do, we can go there in the morning and I can teach you a few practices.

[Something relatively safe and simple.]

[cutsleeve]

Spiritual energy?

No... not at Koi Tower. Well, um, maybe there is... but I wouldn't be allowed anywhere like that anyway. I know several places that are calm, if that's... enough.

[softheartedshizun]

Calm is good enough.

[And safer, probably safer.]

[cutsleeve]

Then yes, I'd be happy to show you to a place like that. I... Thank you. I'm very honored that you're taking the time to show me so much consideration, even though I must be imposing on you...

[ He stands up and gives a proper bow to demonstrate his sincerity. ]

[softheartedshizun]

Not at all. I'm more than glad to help in any way I can.

[In fact it was quite comforting to do so, otherwise, he felt a little too idle.]

[cutsleeve]

I... oh. I've occupied a lot of your time already, Master Shen; is there anything I am keeping you from?

[ Since he's already standing, it would be a good time for him to walk off, if Shen Qingqiu has other things he wants to spend his time on... ]

[softheartedshizun]

I have nothing I need to do.

[And nothing he particularly wanted to do.]

So, you are keeping me from nothing important. I hope I haven't kept you too long and away from any duties you might have.

[cutsleeve]

You haven't. Right now the other disciples are preparing to go night-hunting tonight, but no one ever lets me in their group, so I'm not able to go... out...

[ He suddenly realizes what he just said and gets flustered, quickly sitting down next to Shen Qingqiu again and keeping his gaze on his own boots. ]

I mean, um, it's not as bad as that makes it sound. Please forget I said that.

[softheartedshizun]

[Ah, his heart could go out to him. This was clearly a case of bullying, right? Though, if he was having some issues struggling, maybe it was better not to go anywhere yet.

Still....]

Perhaps it would be alright if I accompanied you?

[cutsleeve]

A-accompanied me? Do you mean, ah, on a... night hunt...?

[ His tone of voice is tentatively hopeful. Surely he misinterpreted, but, if he were to get a chance to night hunt with a strong and skillful cultivator...

Ah, but he can just imagine the sorts of rumors that would circulate from that. Even if their guest would never hear anything in order to protect the Jin Sect's shameful secrets, Mo Xuanyu is certain that he wouldn't hear the end of it once the man leaves. Perhaps it really isn't a good idea after all. ]

[softheartedshizun]

Yes. Since I am unfamiliar with this area it would be a good chance to learn of the surroundings as well.

[And see what kinds of monsters were here! Though, this seemed less about interesting and creative battle creatures and more horror... but, well, he could roll with that!]

[cutsleeve]

I... I suppose I could ask if it's alright.

Ah. If this is for tonight, I should go quickly. I'd still need to prepare...

[ He stands up and turns to leave, then glances back at Shen Qingqiu. He isn't sure whether to ask him to come along while he finds one of his teachers, but in the end decides it's best not to trouble him too much more. ]

Please wait here. I'll be right back and let you know what they say.

[ Then he starts actually leaving. ]