He mumbled it and continued eating, unable to protest much more. When Jin Guangyao's fingers pressed against his skin, Mo Xuanyu felt himself go bright red all over again.
He wanted Jin Guangyao to kiss him.
He really wanted Jin Guangyao to kiss him.
And once he'd let himself think about it, he couldn't stop. Their lips had already indirectly touched with the chopsticks, so it wouldn't be that much different. Jin Guangyao could put their lips together, and then he could lift up Mo Xuanyu and carry him to the bed, and lay down on top of him--
"I... I-I... I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"
Even if Jin Guangyao couldn't read his thoughts to know what he was imagining, it was so inappropriate that Mo Xuanyu couldn't help but apologize and hide his face in shame. How could he look upon Jin Guangyao when his head was filled with such images? His body felt warm, too warm, and he knew that he had to calm himself before things got further out of hand.
This was wrong. Jin Guangyao knew it was. He was the one in the more powerful position here. He would be taking advantage of his lower position. This boy was trusting him and he knew what effect he had on him.
He was warm though and so close. And it felt nice to be wanted, to be adored. When was the last time anyone adored him? Should he give in even though he knew any misstep on his part could land him kicked out or worse?
All this hard work for nothing.
Perhaps...What if he could forget it for one night? He'll put talismans up so no one could hear. Take him to study in the secret room. He was covered in cuts and bruises from head to toe, was it wrong that he wanted care, a gentle touch? Just this once?
His hands moved from his face to lilt up his face. "A-Yu. You have nothing to be sorry about. You have done nothing wrong. You are such a good boy. You work so hard. I see you trying your best."
Tears threatened to build in his eyes as he could no longer tear his gaze away and could only listen to those words. To hear Jin Guangyao of all people say things like that to him gave him a happiness beyond compare. He let himself imagine it.
"Yao-ge..."
It slipped out before he could stop it, the intimate-feeling form of address brightening the flush on his face and coiling a heat in his lower abdomen. Mo Xuanyu knew, he knew it was a mistake, he shouldn't be doing this, he shouldn't be here. But it felt so good. He wanted to be like this with Jin Guangyao. He wanted to do all those things he'd seen in the dirty books.
He was breathing heavily, lips parted just the slightest bit. Mo Xuanyu leaned in just a little, wanting a kiss so bad but not daring to seek one. His lashes trembled as if he couldn't decide whether to keep his eyes open or shut.
Despite everything he had experienced at the Jin Sect so far, this was the most excited and vulnerable he'd ever felt.
His fingers danced through his hair. Leaning forward to place a soft kiss against it. This boy too was broken, much, in the same way, all of Jin Guangshan's bastards were broken. They were hungry for a father's love that would never come. In a world that would never accept them for the crime of being born. Who could begin to understand that feeling?
Jin Guangyao pressed against him, bringing the teen to his side and wrapping an arm around him. He felt that heat from him, those hungry looks and it was certainly not for the food he had. He wiped a bit at the teen's mouth with the corner of a handkerchief.
"A-Yu. You are worth more than anything they say to you. I see you working. I hope you know it no matter what anyone says."
They were two peonies marred by the soil they blossomed from. They could still grow beautifully. Guangyao was determined. And sometimes flowers needed soft words as well. They needed care. Was he horrible for wanting it?
The lips didn't land where he wanted them to but they landed all the same. When Jin Guangyao's arm wrapped around him Mo Xuanyu immediately leaned into the touch, pressing himself against Jin Guangyao with desperation and instinct. At any moment now Jin Guangyao might realize what sort of an effect he was having, either by seeing the tent in Mo Xuanyu's pants or by feeling the shape press against him, and the idea was as exciting as it was terrifying.
He was torn between wanting so badly to have more, and the fear of being rejected for wanting even this much.
"Yao-ge, I... Thank you. Th-thank you..."
His fingers continuously clenched and released on Jin Guangyao's robes as he tried to work up his courage, or finally convince himself the risk wasn't worth taking.
"Of course, A-Yu. You deserve soft things and to know that you are valued and important." his fingers move gently through his hair and over his shoulders and finally to rest on his waist. His lips moved down to kiss his temples, soft as a butterfly.
He would have had to admit that he was made of jade to say that this did not effect him in any way. It did. There was a low shameful heat deep in his belly, and he was painfully hard. Was this all it took? Someone who looked at him as a person who should be clean and admirable and not the disgusting filth he was. Especially with what he was considering.
His breath came out in small hot huffs, his voice low. A forefinger tilted his younger brother's chin up with a finger and he kissed his soft lips. He may very well be what they all said about him, but he could seek a moment of comfort in the hell they both lived in.
When Jin Guangyao tilted his chin up, Mo Xuanyu felt as if his heart had stopped.
The feeling of lips on his own was so overwhelming that Mo Xuanyu's mind went completely blank, leaving only a feeling of total elation. His fingers in the front of Jin Guangyao's robes were clenched tight enough to be sore but he couldn't feel them at all. This was it. This was what he'd been hoping for the whole time.
Heat suddenly flooded through his body and he couldn't help but let out a sob. He pressed his face forward, having no idea how to kiss but wanting to keep kissing anyway. He shuddered and sobbed as he continued pushing his lips against Jin Guangyao's, an utter mess already but unwilling to let go for the world. Even if this was a dream he wanted to indulge in it for as long as he possibly could.
Mo Xuanyu was so wrapped up in kissing that it took him several long moments before he started to notice the telltale sensation of liquid dripping down his thigh.
His hands moved gently over his back. This touch this intimacy was what they had both wanted after all. Both of them had hungered for it and the way his brother's lips pressed against his own was all the more reason to believe it. His mouth was soft against his and the kiss was so very sweet and desperate.
He wanted this as well.
Jin Guangyao moved his hand forward a bit before he felt a bit of warm liquid against the back of his hand.
Ah.
Oops.
He looked down at Mo Xuanyu's lap and then back up at him. His eyes were kind. He knew how embarrassing such a thing was.
"It's alright A-Yu. It happens sometimes. It is normal. Shall we clean you up?" he said kindly pressing his lips against his head again.
Mo Xuanyu's face was bright red with embarrassment and several other emotions. At the question his fingers curled a little tighter into Jin Guangyao's robes.
"I... want you to clean me up. Yao-ge."
His voice was soft with hesitation, but now that the two of them had kissed he couldn't help it. Perhaps as if afraid that he wouldn't be able to say everything if he didn't get it all out now his words started to tumble out, still soft and a bit frantic.
"I want to do lots of things with you that we're not supposed to do. I want you to touch me and do a lot more to me and I want to touch you in lots of places. I want to do all the stuff in my dirty books with you. You can do whatever you want with me. Lianfang... Yao-ge, I..."
His mouth ended the ramble with the shape of "please", but he didn't manage to give voice to it. Mo Xuanyu stared at Jin Guangyao with eyes wide, everything about him pleading the man to agree. He didn't have the words to express just how badly he wanted this.
Jin Guangyao smiled softly as he clung to him. He was really a sweet boy. He wanted so badly to take care of him as he was. Clean him up and make certain that he is so very adored. No one else was going to love them after all. That was what it was to be a bastard in this cursed place.
"Alright then. A-Yu. I'll clean you up and take care of you. But what happens between these walls must be kept the deepest secret. Can you do that A-Yu?"
They were past the point of no return. With a flick of his wrist, he set a sound silencing, and locking talisman on his doors. No one will bother them that night if he was going to have anything to do with it.
He got up then, only to grab a small bowl of water and cloth setting it down on the table.
"Please undress, so I can do this properly, love."
Mo Xuanyu quickly nodded along, his lips pressed shut as if he needed to keep quiet already. If it had to be the deepest, darkest secret kept in the furthest depths of Mo Xuanyu's heart, he would do it in an instant for Jin Guangyao.
When he realized what talismans Jin Guangyao was using, his heart skipped two beats. Talismans were one of the few things he could say he was actually good at, and without inspecting it Mo Xuanyu could recognize it from this far away. Every little thing that made this just a bit more real made his heart pound harder, until he was certain that it was impossible for Jin Guangyao to miss the sound of it.
At the request to undress Mo Xuanyu nearly ripped his own clothes off, undressing faster than he ever had in his life. It was only once he had pulled the last of his garments off that it suddenly hit him that he was naked before Jin Guangyao. His bashfulness caught up with him and Mo Xuanyu hunched in a little, trying to subtly hide the thick liquid on his thighs and his cock that was already getting hard again, as if those weren't the reasons for getting naked in the first place.
He nervously and wordlessly glanced up at Jin Guangyao from behind his eyelashes, desperate for approval even more so while in a vulnerable state like this. What if Jin Guangyao didn't like how he looked? What if he wasn't good enough for him? These and more thoughts surfaced unbidden even as Mo Xuanyu tried desperately to push them down.
He could feel the yearning in the air between them. And his heart was beating faster somehow despite himself he was wretched. He felt his own cock begin to plump at the sight of his younger brother. Beautiful and shy, all the loveliness that the Jin line held.\\He smiled gently at the young man.
"A-yu, Straighten your back. You are beautiful, you do not need to hide it on my account," he spoke gently, dipping the cloth in the water and beginning to wipe his brother's body. He was on his knees as he did so, he worked slowly, almost reverently. Mo Xuanyu deserved to feel loved. Like he was a treasure. And not something to be tossed aside.
He started at his feet and moved up his thighs, cleaning his come off him, but being careful not to get too close to his cock yet. He would hate for him to spend himself again so soon.
Even when Jin Guangyao reassured him, it took him a little while before he did relax enough to stop covering himself.
His gaze was glued to Jin Guangyao as he worked, mouth hanging open slightly. It somehow felt like this was wrong, like he should be attending to Jin Guangyao instead, but he didn't dare ask him to stop. All he could do was watch entranced as Jin Guangyao moved up his legs little by little, and by the time he was wiping off the errant come Mo Xuanyu was already fully hard once again. This time, there was no hiding it from Jin Guangyao's sight. His whole body was flushed, eager and waiting.
He nodded once, then swallowed to try to wet his dry mouth before speaking. "Yao-ge," his voice cracked, and he softly cleared his throat, "it's amazing. You're amazing."
Mo Xuanyu slowly reached forward, paused with his hand in the air as he hesitated a moment, but regained his courage enough to finish reaching forward. His fingers landed gently on Jin Guangyao's hair and he carefully tucked some of it behind his ear, letting him get a better view of his face. Though it wasn't the same sort of action it was done with equal reverence.
How long has it been since he had been touched with such care? Even that little action made his eyes shine. He continued to clean him, his torso his arms, his neck. He stood after that and set the cloth aside.
"I suppose I cannot leave you naked on your own." he smiled softly he knew there was an unevenness in only one of them being clothed and exposed. "Though I must warn you that I am not really in the best shape..." he was a bit ashamed not of his nudity but of the story his body will tell. Still, he undid his robes and took them off, piece by piece, careful to fold them up neatly on his small chest of drawers. His hat and guan rested on top of the pile.
His skin was covered from the neck downwards in various bruises and scars. His hat covered a cut on his temple. Though this attention was also getting to him. He was rather hard despite it.
He sat down on the bed in front of him. "We should do this as equals, right?"
His eyes eagerly roamed Jin Guangyao's body, lingering on most everything that stood out at all. Not just the bruises, but also the shapes of his muscles, the lines of his body that were normally obscured by his clothes, his chest, his--cock--
Mo Xuanyu's breath stilled for a moment as he laid eyes on it, on how it was already going hard. That could only be because of him, right? He was the reason Jin Guangyao was so eager right now.
He wondered how it would feel once it was pressed inside of him. Surely it would be better than how his fingers had felt. Even knowing it was Jin Guangyao would surely make it better...
With reluctance he tore his gaze away to continue taking in the rest of Jin Guangyao. He couldn't help but have his attention drawn to those bruises, and Mo Xuanyu felt his heart twist in pain. How terrible must it have been to receive all of those? Mo Xuanyu sometimes had a rough time in training, but these... these weren't like that.
"Yao-ge, please, let me--" He fumbled around for a moment before managing to get a hold of a compact of ointment from nearby. Mo Xuanyu was so worried that he didn't even realize how forward he was being as he dipped two of his fingers in and brought some of the cream towards one of the more recent-looking bruises near Jin Guangyao's collarbone. "Please, let me take care of this..."
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He mumbled it and continued eating, unable to protest much more. When Jin Guangyao's fingers pressed against his skin, Mo Xuanyu felt himself go bright red all over again.
He wanted Jin Guangyao to kiss him.
He really wanted Jin Guangyao to kiss him.
And once he'd let himself think about it, he couldn't stop. Their lips had already indirectly touched with the chopsticks, so it wouldn't be that much different. Jin Guangyao could put their lips together, and then he could lift up Mo Xuanyu and carry him to the bed, and lay down on top of him--
"I... I-I... I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"
Even if Jin Guangyao couldn't read his thoughts to know what he was imagining, it was so inappropriate that Mo Xuanyu couldn't help but apologize and hide his face in shame. How could he look upon Jin Guangyao when his head was filled with such images? His body felt warm, too warm, and he knew that he had to calm himself before things got further out of hand.
no subject
He was warm though and so close. And it felt nice to be wanted, to be adored. When was the last time anyone adored him? Should he give in even though he knew any misstep on his part could land him kicked out or worse?
All this hard work for nothing.
Perhaps...What if he could forget it for one night? He'll put talismans up so no one could hear. Take him to study in the secret room. He was covered in cuts and bruises from head to toe, was it wrong that he wanted care, a gentle touch? Just this once?
His hands moved from his face to lilt up his face. "A-Yu. You have nothing to be sorry about. You have done nothing wrong. You are such a good boy. You work so hard. I see you trying your best."
no subject
"Yao-ge..."
It slipped out before he could stop it, the intimate-feeling form of address brightening the flush on his face and coiling a heat in his lower abdomen. Mo Xuanyu knew, he knew it was a mistake, he shouldn't be doing this, he shouldn't be here. But it felt so good. He wanted to be like this with Jin Guangyao. He wanted to do all those things he'd seen in the dirty books.
He was breathing heavily, lips parted just the slightest bit. Mo Xuanyu leaned in just a little, wanting a kiss so bad but not daring to seek one. His lashes trembled as if he couldn't decide whether to keep his eyes open or shut.
Despite everything he had experienced at the Jin Sect so far, this was the most excited and vulnerable he'd ever felt.
no subject
Jin Guangyao pressed against him, bringing the teen to his side and wrapping an arm around him. He felt that heat from him, those hungry looks and it was certainly not for the food he had. He wiped a bit at the teen's mouth with the corner of a handkerchief.
"A-Yu. You are worth more than anything they say to you. I see you working. I hope you know it no matter what anyone says."
They were two peonies marred by the soil they blossomed from. They could still grow beautifully. Guangyao was determined. And sometimes flowers needed soft words as well. They needed care. Was he horrible for wanting it?
Probably so.
no subject
The lips didn't land where he wanted them to but they landed all the same. When Jin Guangyao's arm wrapped around him Mo Xuanyu immediately leaned into the touch, pressing himself against Jin Guangyao with desperation and instinct. At any moment now Jin Guangyao might realize what sort of an effect he was having, either by seeing the tent in Mo Xuanyu's pants or by feeling the shape press against him, and the idea was as exciting as it was terrifying.
He was torn between wanting so badly to have more, and the fear of being rejected for wanting even this much.
"Yao-ge, I... Thank you. Th-thank you..."
His fingers continuously clenched and released on Jin Guangyao's robes as he tried to work up his courage, or finally convince himself the risk wasn't worth taking.
no subject
He would have had to admit that he was made of jade to say that this did not effect him in any way. It did. There was a low shameful heat deep in his belly, and he was painfully hard. Was this all it took? Someone who looked at him as a person who should be clean and admirable and not the disgusting filth he was. Especially with what he was considering.
His breath came out in small hot huffs, his voice low. A forefinger tilted his younger brother's chin up with a finger and he kissed his soft lips. He may very well be what they all said about him, but he could seek a moment of comfort in the hell they both lived in.
no subject
The feeling of lips on his own was so overwhelming that Mo Xuanyu's mind went completely blank, leaving only a feeling of total elation. His fingers in the front of Jin Guangyao's robes were clenched tight enough to be sore but he couldn't feel them at all. This was it. This was what he'd been hoping for the whole time.
Heat suddenly flooded through his body and he couldn't help but let out a sob. He pressed his face forward, having no idea how to kiss but wanting to keep kissing anyway. He shuddered and sobbed as he continued pushing his lips against Jin Guangyao's, an utter mess already but unwilling to let go for the world. Even if this was a dream he wanted to indulge in it for as long as he possibly could.
Mo Xuanyu was so wrapped up in kissing that it took him several long moments before he started to notice the telltale sensation of liquid dripping down his thigh.
no subject
He wanted this as well.
Jin Guangyao moved his hand forward a bit before he felt a bit of warm liquid against the back of his hand.
Ah.
Oops.
He looked down at Mo Xuanyu's lap and then back up at him. His eyes were kind. He knew how embarrassing such a thing was.
"It's alright A-Yu. It happens sometimes. It is normal. Shall we clean you up?" he said kindly pressing his lips against his head again.
no subject
"I... want you to clean me up. Yao-ge."
His voice was soft with hesitation, but now that the two of them had kissed he couldn't help it. Perhaps as if afraid that he wouldn't be able to say everything if he didn't get it all out now his words started to tumble out, still soft and a bit frantic.
"I want to do lots of things with you that we're not supposed to do. I want you to touch me and do a lot more to me and I want to touch you in lots of places. I want to do all the stuff in my dirty books with you. You can do whatever you want with me. Lianfang... Yao-ge, I..."
His mouth ended the ramble with the shape of "please", but he didn't manage to give voice to it. Mo Xuanyu stared at Jin Guangyao with eyes wide, everything about him pleading the man to agree. He didn't have the words to express just how badly he wanted this.
no subject
"Alright then. A-Yu. I'll clean you up and take care of you. But what happens between these walls must be kept the deepest secret. Can you do that A-Yu?"
They were past the point of no return. With a flick of his wrist, he set a sound silencing, and locking talisman on his doors. No one will bother them that night if he was going to have anything to do with it.
He got up then, only to grab a small bowl of water and cloth setting it down on the table.
"Please undress, so I can do this properly, love."
no subject
When he realized what talismans Jin Guangyao was using, his heart skipped two beats. Talismans were one of the few things he could say he was actually good at, and without inspecting it Mo Xuanyu could recognize it from this far away. Every little thing that made this just a bit more real made his heart pound harder, until he was certain that it was impossible for Jin Guangyao to miss the sound of it.
At the request to undress Mo Xuanyu nearly ripped his own clothes off, undressing faster than he ever had in his life. It was only once he had pulled the last of his garments off that it suddenly hit him that he was naked before Jin Guangyao. His bashfulness caught up with him and Mo Xuanyu hunched in a little, trying to subtly hide the thick liquid on his thighs and his cock that was already getting hard again, as if those weren't the reasons for getting naked in the first place.
He nervously and wordlessly glanced up at Jin Guangyao from behind his eyelashes, desperate for approval even more so while in a vulnerable state like this. What if Jin Guangyao didn't like how he looked? What if he wasn't good enough for him? These and more thoughts surfaced unbidden even as Mo Xuanyu tried desperately to push them down.
no subject
"A-yu, Straighten your back. You are beautiful, you do not need to hide it on my account," he spoke gently, dipping the cloth in the water and beginning to wipe his brother's body. He was on his knees as he did so, he worked slowly, almost reverently. Mo Xuanyu deserved to feel loved. Like he was a treasure. And not something to be tossed aside.
He started at his feet and moved up his thighs, cleaning his come off him, but being careful not to get too close to his cock yet. He would hate for him to spend himself again so soon.
"Is this okay, didi?"
no subject
His gaze was glued to Jin Guangyao as he worked, mouth hanging open slightly. It somehow felt like this was wrong, like he should be attending to Jin Guangyao instead, but he didn't dare ask him to stop. All he could do was watch entranced as Jin Guangyao moved up his legs little by little, and by the time he was wiping off the errant come Mo Xuanyu was already fully hard once again. This time, there was no hiding it from Jin Guangyao's sight. His whole body was flushed, eager and waiting.
He nodded once, then swallowed to try to wet his dry mouth before speaking. "Yao-ge," his voice cracked, and he softly cleared his throat, "it's amazing. You're amazing."
Mo Xuanyu slowly reached forward, paused with his hand in the air as he hesitated a moment, but regained his courage enough to finish reaching forward. His fingers landed gently on Jin Guangyao's hair and he carefully tucked some of it behind his ear, letting him get a better view of his face. Though it wasn't the same sort of action it was done with equal reverence.
no subject
"I suppose I cannot leave you naked on your own." he smiled softly he knew there was an unevenness in only one of them being clothed and exposed. "Though I must warn you that I am not really in the best shape..." he was a bit ashamed not of his nudity but of the story his body will tell. Still, he undid his robes and took them off, piece by piece, careful to fold them up neatly on his small chest of drawers. His hat and guan rested on top of the pile.
His skin was covered from the neck downwards in various bruises and scars. His hat covered a cut on his temple. Though this attention was also getting to him. He was rather hard despite it.
He sat down on the bed in front of him. "We should do this as equals, right?"
no subject
His eyes eagerly roamed Jin Guangyao's body, lingering on most everything that stood out at all. Not just the bruises, but also the shapes of his muscles, the lines of his body that were normally obscured by his clothes, his chest, his--cock--
Mo Xuanyu's breath stilled for a moment as he laid eyes on it, on how it was already going hard. That could only be because of him, right? He was the reason Jin Guangyao was so eager right now.
He wondered how it would feel once it was pressed inside of him. Surely it would be better than how his fingers had felt. Even knowing it was Jin Guangyao would surely make it better...
With reluctance he tore his gaze away to continue taking in the rest of Jin Guangyao. He couldn't help but have his attention drawn to those bruises, and Mo Xuanyu felt his heart twist in pain. How terrible must it have been to receive all of those? Mo Xuanyu sometimes had a rough time in training, but these... these weren't like that.
"Yao-ge, please, let me--" He fumbled around for a moment before managing to get a hold of a compact of ointment from nearby. Mo Xuanyu was so worried that he didn't even realize how forward he was being as he dipped two of his fingers in and brought some of the cream towards one of the more recent-looking bruises near Jin Guangyao's collarbone. "Please, let me take care of this..."